Educational Insights: February 15, 2010
Dr. Paula Sissel: Superintendent/Elementary Principal
…developing individuals to meet the challenges of a global community
I was reading the latest “Parade” edition and ran across an article by comedian Jerry Seinfeld. Expecting merely to be entertained, I was actually intrigued and educated by his sage reference to “three rules of parenting, what he calls ‘the poison Ps’. The first is Praise--We tell our kids, ‘Great job!’ too much! The second is Problem-solving--We refuse to let our children have problems. The third P--Giving your child too much Pleasure” was the final parental poison (Coben, Parade, 2/14/10). Being caught off guard, I reread his comments several times…was this comedian wiser than my initial impression? No doubt…
When I ponder on our district’s mission statement, I am reminded that in order to positively meet challenges in their future, our children need to learn how to more effectively solve problems they face now. To be successful adults, problem-solving is undoubtedly a critical and lifelong skill. As their caretakers, we are too often tempted to deny them the invaluable opportunity to struggle; it is difficult for us to see them hurt. However, we must teach them their behaviors have consequences, even it they are unpleasant or painful.
Recent research actually reveals that self-discipline is twice as strong a predictor of school success as intelligence (Walsh, 2007). Dr. Walsh provides a suggested list of Dos and Don’ts for effective parenting:
DO:
*Model the type of behavior you want to see in your kids: you are their most
powerful teacher.
*Maintain realistic expectations of your child’s behavior.
*Get to know your child’s teachers and let them know you support them and will
back them.
DON’T:
*Don’t do things for your kids that they should be able to do for themselves.
*Don’t become a nonstop entertainment committee for them.
*Don’t give them everything they want.
*Don’t tolerate disrespectful behavior.
We know that this generation of kids will be competing with global peers (Friedman). Those who succeed will have to be well-educated, need to work hard, delay gratification, make sacrifices, cooperate with others and persevere through hardships.
The latest brain research confirms that children need a secure connection with loving adults to give them the trust and confidence required to explore and excel. They need self-discipline to harness and balance their powerful emotional drives. If dominated by the drive for pleasure, we all become lazy and self-indulgent. Self-discipline entails the ability to say no to oneself (Walsh).
Saying no to our kids is the key to their developing self-discipline. Adults say no to our kids to build character; it’s a long-term investment. The reward for saying no comes when our kids become adults who can delay gratification in order to accomplish greater achievements. No is not a destination: no can be the road to yes. Discipline is a timeless and necessary ingredient in healthy child development.
